I Did It! 30 Bachelors!

My last bachelor of the blog. Hizzah! And remember all those nice things that Vanessa Williams sang about in "Save The Best For Last"? Yeah, well Vanessa's a damn dirty liar. Unless the topic of "cat eye herpes" is something that you're particularly interested in talking about - especially within the first 7 minutes of meeting someone. How about hearing more about that cat with eye herpes having its eye removed and rubbing it's sewn up eye socket on your arm? Can I get a show of hands for who wishes they were in on this conversation? Nobody? That's what I thought. This guy was an odd duck. Let's see... he's an avid game show fan. In fact, he has applied for almost 30 game shows. He did go to a Wheel of Fortune audition once when it was in Waukesha but didn't make the cut. He had a Skype interview in the works for some game show that's going to be airing in the next few months on a major television network. By the way, all the contestants Skype in for the actual game show too. Very cost-effective. You know, in this economy... I guess it's a show where average Americans are given topics and talk about their opinions. I'm sure it will be a light-hearted romp into the American psyche on important topics affecting U.S. citizens like the collapse of the banking industry, the issues with our educational system and cranial feline herpes. I'm looking forward to that. Especially if Bach #30 gets on that show.

What else? In addition to the random "woo hoo" he'd blurt out, he told me the story of how he used to live in a very small town. Well one night, just 2 short days after his wife of 7 years moved out, some random lady knocked on his door at 9:30 at night to introduce herself. They immediately started to date and he moved her and her and the 4 kids she had with 3 ex-husbands in shortly thereafter. So there were 7 kids in his house with 2 parents that had 5 exes between them. I bet this guy plays a mean jug. He told me that one of her ex-husbands (who was still technically her husband because they weren't divorced yet.) used to ask him if he's having fun fucking his wife. Sounds like fun. He also did some super awkward impersonations of people where, apparently, they all had buck teeth so every impression had an overbite.

Oh, let me just say that he & I met for coffee after work. He warned me right away that he is hyper-sensitive to caffeine. So I guess it was an awesome idea to take a first date out for coffee. Anyway, that proved to be the case fairly quickly because he got super jittery and weird(er) after about a half hour. He started looking around really paranoid-like when he was telling stories. Like if he was telling a story about his ex-wife, he'd look around to make sure she wasn't there. But there were only about 4 people at the Starbucks and I'm quite sure he would have noticed if the mother of his kids whom he lived with for 7 years was sitting there sipping a latte. He also started frantically sipping his drink every 10 seconds or so. It was just super odd. Anyway, fortunately I had plans that I had to get to and he knew that so that was a good reason to pull this:

So with that, he refilled his caffeinated beverage (because he apparently wasn't jacked up enough on the caffeine) and we bid adieu. I left there grateful to be done with this date and even more pleased that I will not be subjecting myself to any other date again for a long, long time. But I am glad that I did see this thing through and I learned a lot from this experience. I've probably got another post or two in me though. You know, like cat eye herpes, I just won't go away. me-ow!