I happened upon Bachelor #27 on a dating site - of course. He had 2 profile pictures. One was from the neck up and he was very cute. The other was of him on a snowmobile and he was dressed in all black. (This information will be useful later on in the post.) He & I e-mailed back and forth quite a few times and he was super cool and interesting. Then we took that party to the flip phone. We had quite a bit in common and had great conversation. Aside from him referring to his and my kids as "shorties" 100% of the time, there weren't too many things that were a turn off. A bigger issue was the fact that he lives about an hour & a half away. So planning a time to meet up was not particularly easy. But after a couple weeks of exchanging communication we scheduled to meet up on a Friday night. Which was rather nice of him to drive an hour & a half away right after work on a Friday. Personally I would have said "fuck that noise" and gone home to take a nap.
Now here's where things get tricky. I was really looking forward to meeting this guy so it was much to my chagrin when I walked into the restaurant and saw a guy who was approximately 400 lbs. and I'm not even fucking around. In fact, I even did a google search on what a 400 lb. man looks like and I think my assessment is pretty spot on. I don't want to sound superficial but I was totally disappointed. In a nutshell, this is what I was thinking:
I know I'm a woman with a little extra junk in ye olde trunk but this was way over the top. Also, he was wearing Birkenstock sandals and believe me when I say that the straps on those things were being tested to their limits. His pictures were totally not representative of what he brought to the table. Oh, and speaking of tables, when we sat down in a booth he literally had to shimmy the table several inches in my direction to fit in. Also, his profile said "a few extra pounds". This was more than a few. I don't want it to seem like I'm trash-talking Louie Anderson's body double here but I just was not physically attracted to someone with so much... girth. In all the wrong places. But, despite all that, I decided to make the best of it. We actually had great conversation. We discussed shorties at length and he told me about the band he's in. He said that their band wanted to do live shows but he didn't want to do that until he loses 300 lbs. Yes, he totally said that. Anyway, despite being a very big guy he was still a pretty confident person. He had a good sense of humor and was really nice. After dinner we went out for drinks and hung out until bar close. Basically, it was a good date.
So therein lies the conflict. I met this guy who I thought was pretty cool but I was nowhere near attracted to him. And it is certainly not my place to ask him to stop off at the Bariatric Treatment Center on the way home from the combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell. I want someone to accept me for who I am; flaws and all. That's what everyone wants, really, and everyone is certainly entitled to that. This was just too much for me though. I didn't jump the gun and kick him to the curb; he and I did continue to email and text for a few weeks afterwards. But between me not being sure if I would be able to move past the weight/attraction issue and him not living very close, it just fizzled out. And I'm o.k. with that. But, in the spirit of big men, here's an awesome backwards clip of Chris Farley. Totally a guy I would have let take me out for pizza and cranberry vodkas.
I'm just really excited to be about done with this dirty thirty dating thing. I am inching my way closer and expect to wrap up in the next 2 week or so. No cliff hangers this time though. Just some good 'ol fashioned blogging! (For another 2 weeks or so.)
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