Up Up and Holy Shit I Couldn’t Wait To Get Away

This snippet right here should juuust about sum up my date with Bachelor #26:

This guy was a really nice person but he would *easily* score solid 10s in a dull competition. He’d probably even get some 11s and 12s. He could have just been nervous but that’s what liquor is for. So I would have assumed that the 5 PBRs he downed in a relatively short amount of time would have livened up his personality – if it, in fact, existed. Let’s get Angela Lansbury on the case. I kid… I wouldn’t want to do that to her. If she’s still alive, that is. Anyway, I tried really hard to extract conversation from him and, at times, he was able to form movements with his mouth and get words to come out. But it was not easy. He did tell me one story about how, two short years ago, he was married, owned a house and owned a semi-successful business with his best friend. But all that was lost when his wifey started spreading her love (and legs) to the best friend/business partner – and the best friend/business partner’s wife. Very sad and I felt bad for the guy. But kind of an interesting story nonetheless. Otherwise, most of the evening was spent looking around at stuff and, literally, talking about the weather. I feel like I’m pretty good at being able to engage in small talk and have the ability to schmooze with just about anyone. But this guy was making it really hard. And no, that is NOT what he said. Actually, if he had said that it would have been indication of a mild sense of humor.

Sadly, the best part (for me, at least, because I’m an asshole) was learning that he is an avid kite flyer but has not flown a kite since he fractured his rib while flying a kite a few months ago. Really? I’ve known people who have fractured ribs in snowboarding or football accidents but I’ve never heard of someone suffering an injury tossing a piece of fabric on a string into the sky.

Anyway, this date was so uncomfortable and brutal. After about an hour & a half of struggling to have a conversation he asked if I wanted to take our [world’s saddest] party to the outside patio. Actually no. I really do not. But, like an idiot, I said yes but that I had to go in about 20 minutes. I only made it 10 more minutes though. I take back that the kite flying story was the best part of the date. Me going home was the best part.

So anyhoo, I had a date with Bachelor #27 over the weekend. It was good but there's just one very large catch. But you will just have to wait to find out what it is. That's what we in the business call a "cliffhanger". So stay tuned...