Cat Fancy

I had a date with Bachelor #12 last week. He had called me a few times before our date and he was sooo boring. He just talked and talked and talked and barely came up for air. If he were on that Tough Love show, Steve Ward would have ripped him a new one over that. I don't think he even cared if I was listening to him or not. Which happened to work out well for me because I was able to get in a few games of online Solitaire and finished watching an episode of Hoarders.

But even though he was a snoozer and told me that he hangs up Christmas stockings for his cats, I decided that I'd give him a chance.

We met at a downtown watering hole. He was less boring in person so that was better. His sense of humor was awkward though. I asked him if he was into politics at all (I know, I know... we're not supposed to talk about that on the first date but I do what I want!). He was very firm in his belief that our local news anchor, Kathy Mykleby, a fixture on our local news broadcasts for probably 30 years, should be relieved of her duties to make room for younger and more attractive women. That was how he answered my question about news & politics. Then he did a very weird impersonation of her (see: aforementioned awkward sense of humor) in which he only spoke out of one side of his mouth and used his elbows a lot. I've never seen Kathy do this but I suppose if that is his experience with her, so be it. But, clearly, he was very passionate about this subject. He even named a few women that he thought would fit Kathy's old memaw Hush Puppies nicely.

He's a tech guy and I have some interest in the internets so I was able to expand on that topic which helped the conversation. (I think the birthday shot of Wild Turkey that he got me also helped the conversation.) We actually got on a topic that I'm interested so I just kept asking him questions about it and found it to be quite educational. He did know a lot about the subject matter.

So the conversation was going relatively well when he told me about one of his side businesses. And no, it's not selling pet stockings. In fact, he sells kits that promise to prevent premature ejaculation. Yes, he's a penis helper pusher. Of all the things in the world to sell (macramé beer cozies, adult pajamas that you can wear to the grocery store, cat stockings), why this? My best guess is that it's a subject that is near and dear to his... heart?

So, we chatted for a bit more but I had had enough. And, quite frankly, I wanted to get home in time for Family Guy. I bid him adieu and walked to my car only to find a parking ticket for $22. There goes my ejaculation kit money!