Ménage a Text

I kick-started my date-a-thon again and had my first official date of this round last Friday. Bachelor #16 contacted me online a few weeks ago. He was a really nice guy and we seemed to have a good amount in common. We spoke on the phone a few times and texted. A lot. But not because I was texting back necessarily. This guy was a way overtexter. And this is from a girl who loves a good text or 10. However, he would send a threesome of texts almost every time. Not just one, wait to hear back… send another. Nope. I learned very quickly to ignore the first text because 1 – 2 more would soon be on their way. And I was right. But, since he was a nice guy I decided to give him a chance in person. Only really quickly though so we had a pre-work coffee date.

Almost immediately I felt like I was on a really awkward job interview. He was asking me a lot of questions like where I see myself in a year/3 years, asking what my dating experiences have been (in detail) and implying a future together. He also used the term “special journey” which made me cringe a little. I know it’s these kinds of things that my friends & family hate hearing from me. They’d say “What’s the big deal?” Like when I tentatively decided to stop seeing someone because I saw that he had an excessive amount of bumper stickers on his car. There is a certain mentality to a human being who looks at a sticker and says “Yeah. About 7 – 10 of these would look great on my Neon.”  Sometimes small things like this are a turn-off.

I could tell when we met in person that, while he is very nice, he’s just not the one for me. The date was short and we had relatively good conversation so it was fine. He put me on the spot by asking to see me again and I said sure. I hate when guys ask that when you're sitting right in front of them. I mean, what am I supposed to say? But anyway, he sent me a text right after he left - he played it cool and only sent one. Then I got another threesome in the afternoon some time and then again later that night. He told me to call him when I had time because he “just wanted to talk”. That’s when I busted out my patented “It was really nice meeting you today but I just don’t feel a dating connection with us. But good luck to you!” He proceeded to send me 3 texts in a row that consisted of: 1.) "Whoa", 2.) “Seriously? Why not me?” and 3.) “What was it that I did or said?”. I felt like I was breaking up with someone I had invested actual time with. In fact, it was worse than breaking up with someone I had invested actual time with. Even the guy with the bumper stickers only sent 1, maybe 2 texts back. I just told him that I know pretty early on and could tell I didn’t feel chemistry between us. So he responds with “I liked you. So you’re not willing to give me a chance?” Well gee… if you like me then who cares how I feel? Sure. Let’s book a trip to the Poconos. At that point I asked him to please respect my feelings as I would if the situation were reversed. I got one more text from him and haven’t heard from him since. I know that was a bit of a rant but it was a little rough. But I still have about 14 more bachelors to go so I have to keep on.

But let's get to the real highlight of this second round. Last week I gave a handful of people the login & password to one of these sites I’m on. It’s a total trust fall move and I’m hoping they don’t judge me too harshly for my profile or for me having to resort to online dating. I kid because I know that ship has sailed. But anyhoo, the rules were basically to peruse the site and give me their top 3 picks (if they can find that many). Just give me their user names. I kept the criteria pretty open except that I had a set age range-ish, I didn’t want anybody who was separated and steer clear of anybody wearing a white belt in any of their pictures. Pretty easy, I think. Also, they are not to wink or e-mail anyone on their own.

At this time I’d like to give special props to my girl Erin.

She immediately set sail on the S.S. Clusterfuck and by the end of that same day I already had an e-mail sitting in my in-box from her with her top 3 picks. It was kind of like opening a Christmas present to read what she had to say. My favorite quote from her e-mail was “There are definitely some people (seemingly) with potential out there, but wading through the others is borderline exhausting (albeit entertaining). It reminds me of thrift shopping - there *might* be a Prada sweater on that rack somewhere, but you have to sift through hundreds of unattractive, pilled, maybe even moth-eaten sweaters just to find it.” So true. But Prada? At this point I’d settle for Croft + Barrow.

Since then I’ve gotten several more picks from my franns. I’ve reached out to 1 or 2 and I’ll get to the others if I decide I might be interested. But it’s been fun to see who they picked and read or hear their commentaries. I’m sure this experience will make my married friends appreciate their husbands even more. And my single friends… well, let’s pencil in meeting for Kool-Aid mid-May some time.