Two Guys and a Cup. Of Hot Chocolate.

I'm going to keep this brief because, if I don't, I'll continue to allow myself to suck at updating my blog. I had 2 (two) dates in 1 (one) day a couple weeks ago. And here is the sordid tale:

Bachelor #22 & I exchanged e-mails back & forth for about a week or so. He seemed a little goofy but not cray cray. We made plans to meet at the local Alterra coffee shoppe by my house. However, a night or 2 before our pre-scheduled rendezvous, he sent me an e-mail (that I did not get because I was out) asking me on a last-minute date to a play he had 2 tickets for. That didn't work out and we just met for coffee. So, I see his face and... how do I put this delicately? He had. A moist. Abrasion on his face. It was unappealing and very distracting. But, being the trooper that I am, I proceeded. I asked him about that play that he had invited me to and he told me it was about a 4-year-old who has an imaginary friend that is addicted to cocaine and did some other creepy shit. Glad I missed it. Also, he's a painter and he told me how he gets so deeply involved with painting that he blocks everything out. He said that, once, he was painting intensely and caught the tail end of someone telling a dirty joke. That's when he turned around to yell at that person for interrupting his groove with said joke and realized that it was just the voices in his head. And, I’m serious when I say that he was serious. Well, you are not going to believe this but I decided not to pursue a second date with this gem. Which, I’m guessing, would likely to have been at a coffee shop in a psychiatric hospital.

I'll stick with 'ol Bob Ross for my painting/painter needs. ah... his voice is so soothing...

So, I left there and drove to meet Bachelor #23 at a different Alterra down by the lake. Guy is a professional photographer and owns several studios in the greater Illinois area. (But lives in Wisconsin) Even though his job is to take pictures of people all day long and he has the fanciest of cameras at his fingertips, he still only had 1 picture of himself on his profile. It's always a little sketch but it is what it is. So, we meet and his profile picture is clearly several years old. Also would it be mean if I mention that he had a skin tag the size of a peppercorn on his face that he kept rubbing? Well, I'm going to say it because it's true and it's how I feel. I don't know what the deal is with guys and shit on their face this particular day. Anyway, he was super fidgety and talked a whole lot. He rarely asked me anything about myself and, when he did and I'd answer, he'd interrupt me to talk about him. I've experienced this with a few guys so, once I see this as a pattern, I basically just shut my yapper and wait for them to stop talking so I can go home. Which is exactly what I did.

Needless to say, I was glad I slammed these mo foes out and was home in time to enjoy the rest of my day. Moist abrasion and peppercorn free!

Premature E-Blog-Ulation

I guess I posted this before I was done. But since I'm neglecting my blog so much I didn't even notice. mwa mwaaa... Anyway, in addition to slacking in general, I started a new job that I love and, until today, haven't been able to dick around a whole lot. Certainly not enough to update my blog. And, when I'm at home, I have tons of Judge Judy episodes to catch up on which keeps me pretty darn busy. You know she does 2 new episodes - EVERY. DAY. Aaanyhoo, I am 4 bachelors behind in this mutha trucka so let's get to bees wax already. I had a date with some dude and he is Bachelor #21. There’s not much to report here. He & I texted a lot and he called me. Which is nice. Lots of guys like to keep things textual but fellas, here’s a tip: Girls like a guy who doesn’t mind giving you a ring on the flip phone once in a while. Anyway, he was also a graphic artist which, I’m sure you picked up as an interest of mine when you saw the profeshunal logo for my blog here. We also determined that we both really enjoy beer. He doesn’t get out much so he didn’t really have any suggestions on where to go. So, I suggested a place I like that has a great beer menu.

Thinking of you too, fella! xoxoxoxo

So, he called me when we were both on our way to ye olde date to ask for directions. I think he might only really know the way to and from work. So we were talking. blah blah blah directions, blah blah blah, racial epithet, [record scratch] Now, I would never defend a racial slur - ever - but he was using it in reference to himself as a white man. However, no matter what, I just really dislike when people use offensive terms in general. Call me a prude. So I asked him about it and he totally didn’t get why I was al “uh… did you just say…” I think he just did not know why some might consider that offensive.

But we were about 3 minutes away from the bar so we met. I mean, there’s beer there. So, I get there and he’s pretty cute. He had a bunch of tattoos which I like. And not dumb ones like the Tasmanian Devil. He was completely blown away by the beer menu. Did I mention that he doesn’t get out much? Anyway, we got along well but conversation wasn’t free-flowing. There were some awkward pauses and there was a lot of pretending to look at the beer menu more. He also used double negatives which is kind of a pet peeve of mine. I don’t got no idea. So… then you *do* have an idea. It is just… nothing? Anyway, there was no spark and, fortunately, he knew I had plans to meet up with friends so it was a good excuse to end at a reasonable time. We said our buh byes and I went home. Followed by falling asleep on my couch and being late meeting my friends out.

So, another bust but at least I got a few beers out of the deal. And that always turns a frown upside down.